and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
