my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
