Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
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You. Win. At. Life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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