why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
