I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
