Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
