What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize