I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize