Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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