'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Who died my cat blue again?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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