What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
