stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
