you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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