He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
