My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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