I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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