hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
