So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
