Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
