I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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