I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
