When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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