She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
