you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
