Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
