I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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