Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
