On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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