he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The adults are the big ones right?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
