everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize