I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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