So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
