its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
