fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
