how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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