when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
