The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
