He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
