After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Randomize
