i think my tv is drunk
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
