I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I FOUND THE LEGS
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
