I didn't shave. On purpose
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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