So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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