Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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