You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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