Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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