I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
