You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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