well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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