And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Holy shit dude........stairs
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