There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You were trust falling into bushes
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
