So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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