I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
