it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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