i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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