I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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