Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
