i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
