umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
