she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
