if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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