New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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