I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
