so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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