I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
