hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
