doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
